


Ryden Prose

by brerediddy



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Moving On, Nostalgia, Past Relationship(s), Prose Poem, Regret, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 06:32:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6412834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brerediddy/pseuds/brerediddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are just some tiny little things I wrote on my phone in the middle of the night. I don't know how coherent they are, but they are pretty angsty. If you want to hurt over ryden, here's a good place to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ryden Prose

**Author's Note:**

> these are all super unrelated and incoherent but it's what my brain did, so enjoy!

brendon pov

  
-

  
it was at a halloween party the first time i met you. i don't remember what you were wearing - or what i was wearing,  
but we were introduced.  
i'd like to say that the world spun or my future played in the back of my mind but none of that happened. i saw you. i met you.

it was halloween when we went to the woods, changed by fame and greed. it was too late to turn back but you and i held on with everything we had. maybe the jobs were too fast and too much but you were always just enough. you held my hand and the cape of your costume kept me warm. you borrowed my sunglasses that night because you wanted to see what I saw. i loved you.

halloween, 2015. you were dressed as a gremlin. a bit odd for our first meeting since 2011, but i was a skeleton with a wife. and seeing you brought back the butterflies even in that dumb costume. i love her. i love her. i love her. but i loved you first.

halloween. our paths keep meeting. halloween. a night for the dead. halloween. you were always going to be a ghost. after the party, i left you (in the past.) I never liked ghosts anyway.

  
\---

  
ryan pov

-

  
she doesn't know you like i do. did. fuck.  
she doesn't know you like i did. she didn't know you at 17 when you were kicked out, when you were without direction. she wasn't there when you sang for tips at smoothie hut. she wasn't the one sitting in the corner booth, waiting for your shift to end. she can't have your first cell phone number committed to memory and she can't know how many times you cried the first time the label called us back. only i can. but i'll never be good enough for you. she doesn't know you like i did. she doesn't know the first time you washed my hair in the tour bus sink and how your hands felt gentle and like static at the same time. she can't know how it felt to be held by you when my dad kicked me out. she can't know how much it hurt the first time you didn't call me back.  
i suppose she's always come first. she wouldn't know what it feels like to come last. to be pushed and pushed and pushed until the breaking point.  
she has one thing against me.  
she'll always know how it feels to be with you. to be loved in return by you. to be wanted by you.  
and that, well, i wouldn't know.

  
\---

  
brendon pov

  
-

  
maybe you were right all those years ago. secrets we're not proud of were taken with the tide but you didn't tell me that it hurt so much to let go. the salt didn't burn you out of my eyes and i didn't see sadness, cigarettes, or shortness of breath. i only saw you for a moment. dipping under the water.  
suddenly it was 2006 again and all i wanted was you. a decade erased in a mere moment. please come back to me. please rewind time. this was why we did it. but it didn't last that long anyway, so what was the point to begin with? secrets we're not proud of were taken with the tide. but i was always proud of you. i always will want you.  
you can say no. you don't have to love me, you already did. just please come back.

  
\---

  
ryan pov

  
-

  
do you ever think that maybe we were the ones that were supposed to last?

not you and her, but you and me.

do you ever think that maybe you weren't meant for the crisp white linen and sunday morning pancakes and syrup smiles and domestic bliss?

we could have done so much more, been so much more. we would have had crumpled sheets in the morning from loving too hard, and sunday afternoon beers together and maybe a few syrup kisses now and again but there's no way we would let our life become...that. what you've become is...it's wrong in some twisted way because you're happy but you aren't you. you aren't the same you that you were when you were mine.

you weren't meant for it. you were meant for stage lights and excitement and people screaming your name. you were meant for me. you were meant for all night fucking and conversations about the universe and a joint between us when the whole world fails. together.

but maybe you have that with her. maybe i was never going to win. even if i had outlasted the split, it was always her. always her bubblegum bliss and cherry smiles and sweet kiss. you wouldn't have wanted me once you had a piece of her. i have to admit, she's good. better than me. maybe even better than you. she's a creature of air and light. but you and i, we are creatures of greed and sin and fear.

and then you left. well. i left. you moved on. i didn't want you to move on - i wanted a chase. i should have known that someone better would come along because they always do.

but we would have had messy sheets, lived in sheets, loved-in sheets.

maybe the sheets don't matter. hell, if you'd come back i'd buy crisp white linen.

  
\---


End file.
